Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.
Facing an unexpected pregnancy can come with many challenges. For many, one of the biggest may be understanding all the options thoroughly and accurately. Women can often feel alone and unsure of where to turn to find unbiased truth and fact-based information, rather than personal opinion.
If you are pregnant and considering adoption, you might be in a “fact-finding” phase. A time of simply wanting to understand more about adoption before deciding your next steps with the pregnancy. You’re on the right track! You’re showing great strength in being willing to learn and not rush into any decision. This is indeed an important choice that deserves a thoughtful approach.
First, let’s work through some common myths so that you have a better understanding of what adoption is and are prepared for conversations with
well-intentioned friends and family members who might hold these perspectives.
Myth 1: Adoption Equals Foster Care
One common misconception about adoption is that it is the same as foster care. In foster care, a child could move from one home to another without the consent of the birth mother. The goal of foster care is temporary placement into a foster home and eventual reunification with biological family.
However, this is not the goal of adoption. Adoption is a legal, permanent placement into a family that does not change. Adoption aims to offer the child a nurturing environment and stability, and gives you the power to choose a loving home.
Myth 2: Adoption Means Abandoning Your Child
Another misconception is that adoption is selfish, essentially abandoning a child. This is why some women say they couldn’t consider the option; they feel that their child would someday hate them for the choice.
This view often stems from a lack of understanding of the adoption process. When people think of adoption, they often think of a closed adoption, one in which the birth parents do not know or have contact with the child. However, an open adoption–a kind of adoption in which the biological parents and the adoptive families share information about the child and have an option of contact–is a possibility. Adoption can be structured in a wide variety of ways to make sure both parties are comfortable with the process.
A woman who is considering adoption is making a plan for her child, not abandoning or being flippant about any responsibility. In fact, most women who choose adoption are making that choice from a place of selfLESSness rather than selfishness. They are choosing parents for their child, when they would often rather parent themselves… but they determine that trying to do it themselves may not be in the best interest of their child.
This leads us to talk about how modern adoption is largely driven by an expectant mother’s choice. As these women move forward with adoption, they select the family to raise their child, determine what their time in the hospital after birth will look like, and how open they want to be with the adoptive family and child.
Recognizing this choice is empowering. For those who would typically see their options as only parenting or abortion, a better understanding allows them to see adoption, a third option, through a more accurate lens.
Expectant fathers can also play a significant role in the adoption process. If you are considering adoption and your partner wants to support you in your decision, there are many ways to get involved. Learning the truths offers a solid understanding of the path ahead. If you are comfortable, you may ask him to participate in the process of choosing a family as well. As you determine your own preferences, know that he may work through his own openness plan, which could include receiving email updates, photos, and having visits.
Regardless of the relationship between the two biological parents, each can participate in their child’s life, both now and in the future.
If you’re not sure of your next steps but exploring your options, consider making a pro and con list. While adoption may not be the right choice for every woman, it could be a beautiful way to show love without having to be the one parenting. You will have your own specific circumstances, but some of the pros to adoption can look like:
However, as with all options for an unexpected pregnancy, there are challenges. Some realistic cons might be:
Regardless of your decision, we know there is no easy option. If you choose to work with an adoption agency and create an adoption plan, ask your agency about available post-adoption counseling and support. Having that support can be incredibly important for you in the following weeks, months, and years.
Give yourself permission to accept the amount of support you need at the time, and know that it may evolve over time. You may need more regular support at the beginning, and only occasional connection later on, but having someone who understands the reality of your grief can help you to process it in a healthy way.
If you are facing an unexpected pregnancy, support is available. Whether you’re considering an adoption or just wanting to explore and weigh your options, talking with a personal advocate at Avail NYC can offer clarity, resources, and connections for your next steps. Get support today.
Avail NYC exists to be a safe haven for women and men facing an unexpected pregnancy or seeking support after an abortion. We are not a medical provider.
Kristin McCool serves as the National Pregnancy Counseling Manager with Lifeline Children’s Services. Lifeline provides options counseling to women around the country who are in unexpected pregnancies, helping them through the adoption planning process if they so desire. Lifeline also serves potential adoptive families considering both domestic and international adoption and provides post-adoption support to birth families as well as adoptive families.
ABOUT AVAIL
Avail NYC provides free, compassionate support for women and men navigating unexpected pregnancies or seeking support after an abortion. Our trained Personal Advocates offer a safe, confidential space online or in-person to process emotions and explore options. Equipping clients with personalized coping strategies and resources, we empower them to move forward with confidence at their own pace. Avail NYC is not a medical provider. To learn more or meet with a personal advocate, visit Avail NYC.
Our office is conveniently located at 115 W 45th St, 4th floor, New York, NY 10036. To see directions and hours, please read more about our location.
For your online appointment, please check your email for the link to join the appointment via Zoom. This link was sent when you scheduled the appointment and is included in your appointment reminders. If you can’t find it, don’t hesitate to contact us, and we’ll resend the information quickly.
You can always cancel or reschedule your appointment if you need to. Simply select “Manage Appointments” via our online booking system or contact us directly to move your appointment to a time that better fits your schedule.
If you miss your appointment, there’s no need to worry. We understand that things can come up unexpectedly. Simply reschedule at your earliest convenience through our online system or by reaching out to us.
Absolutely, you are welcome to bring someone with you for support during your appointment. We aim to make you as comfortable as possible, and having your partner or a supportive friend or family member by your side can be part of that. Just add a note when you make the appointment and we will have a male or female advocate there to support them.
Our personal advocates are highly trained, trauma-informed professionals who have been trained on counseling techniques, confidentiality, and sensitivity to diverse needs, and how to help others make a decision.
We're here to make sure you feel fully supported. We do encourage you to work with one advocate, but if you feel you need to make a change at any time, learn more about our team of qualified personal advocates or just reach out to us.
A safe place for confident decisions.
115 W. 45th St., 4th Floor
NY, NY 10036
Text us: 234-201-0532 or Call us: 212-689-1705
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